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[quote=Anonymous]Not sure what my MIL knows, in this regard - as MIL knows so very little about me, even after all these decades.  I have always been pleasant and polite.  Early in the relationship, some of MILs rudeness, meanness, favoritism and clannishness shocked me, and I spoke up. What I did not know at the time is that narcissistic people never (ever) admit they are wrong, and never (ever) apologize.

To compound matters, MIL said some really rude and hurtful things to me over the decades - not just totally inappropriate, really out of line, mean and hurtful things - things that even if one had no filter, one would no not to say.  Things most grown adults know not to say, and I would not say to a stranger. When MIL did so it was always 1:1, when no one else was in the room to hear her antics.

When I told DH, he was not at all surprised, and I was given the strong impression that MIL was always a bully that was checked out unless it suited her (even though she definitely doesn't look like a bully, she seems to use this to her advantage) - that was a new one for me, as I was raised by extended family, and we were consistently respectful of each other as adults. We were not perfect, but we did not do that.

DH also helped SIL out so much that SIL never could repay DH, even if SIL wanted to (she doesn't).  In MIL and SIL's mind, they are takers, and you are expected to give. So, there is no gratitude or inclusion. Instead, SIL became angry when the generous assistance ended (not by our choice).  Of course, SIL's version is SIL's version.  Not sure if SIL knows what really happened, I only know the version that SIL was given by DH, since he knew SIL would be a problem.  I did not want DH in the line of fire, or the target of SIL's rage, as he had been all his life.

It has circled back to me that MIL goes around talking smack and tells certain people "she just doesn't like (me)!!!" - which is hilarious, because there honestly is no reason.  MIL's friends seem genuinely surprised when they meet us. We have never asked for anything, and SIL would not so much as go in on a nice present DH and I gladly bought for MIL (so we gave it ourselves, NBD).

It is just a weird exercise in non-inclusiveness, being sneaky and narcissism.  DH says he would not want to be them, and I have to agree.

So, it is not that I do not like MIL, it is that she teaches DH and I what not to do.  She is fine, as long as she does not get me alone, but the cornering is something that both she and SIL do, and DH and I find it unhealthy, at best.

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