Reply to Adult children do not like Dad's GF, How to go on a family vacation with out her?

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[quote=Anonymous]I think only you know your relationship with your dad well enough to know how he’d react. If you want to go there, you need to get him by himself sometime and ask “hey dad, would you ever consider going on a family vacation without Lola?” He’ll probably follow up and ask more, at which point you can say something like “We love you, and absolutely love that you’ve found someone who makes you happy, but for whatever reason it can be hard for Jane and I to spend an extended time time with you and Lola together  The complaining and fighting creates a vibe that’s hard for me and Joe and the kids to relax around, and Jane too. I’ve been thinking it might be fun to do some kind of trip with you and Jane and our families but I’m hesitant to plan something that might have hard dynamics for all of us” Listen to what he has to say and then either go forward with inviting only him or inviting neither of them.

If you do do this, I’d try to figure out ways to say nice things about what you DO like about GF as part of the conversation, and probably would keep it vague and not talk about a specific trip until you feel him out. And try to make it more about you than the GF being awful (ie you could mention it makes you feel your moms absence too much to have GF in her place).

I think I could have managed a conversation like that with my widowed dad without too much longterm manage. If he does say no you have to respect that though.[/quote]

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