Reply to “Agency and exploration are some of the only things the wealthy can’t buy for their kids”

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is so triggering because agency and exploration are some of the only things the wealthy can’t buy for their kids. It takes commitment, sacrifice and attention that can’t be hired out. Makes them nuts.

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Yes and a lot of the folks on DCUM are wealthy due to having two-career families with demanding jobs. Even among families with a SAHM, the pace of lifestyle in this area can be incredibly intense and there's a lot of pressure to academically accelerate kids, competition for private school spots, and of course the college race. So the idea that all of that is actually detrimental to kids is terrifying because these are families that have sacrificed a lot in order to do it.

Being told that maybe you should have worked less, spent more time with your kids, created a more relaxed and nurturing home environment, skipped the intensive enrichments and competitive private schools, and your children would actually be BETTER off for it? You have to shut it down because it's too upsetting a thought.

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These are comments from this thread:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/90/1170508.page

I wanted to get DCUM’s thoughts on these sentiments. DH and I grew up “free-range” to LMC parents, and now we are “working wealthy” (HHI of ~$800k/year but no generational wealth and lots of student debt). Our kids go to Big 3 privates, and the rates of anxiety and depression are off the charts at these schools. Every single weekday, my 6th graders have a structured organized activity (either a sport or a music lesson).

My kids are WAY further ahead academically and extracurricularly than when I was as a kid. At the same time, I think they lack a lot of the agency and exploration that I had from my lower-middle class, free-range childhood. They don’t know how to navigate on their own, and they don’t really hang out with the neighborhood kids like I did.

What do you guys think? I definitely have deprived my kids of some of the agency and exploration that I had as a kid, but they’re way more accomplished than I was at that age.

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If all the extras are just about getting ahead or their forced then that's not a good thing. I didn't get to do a ton of activities as a kid, and no sports, physical disability. I would have liked to try a few things, but I was very happy with what I did have. Plenty of free time to learn how to entertain myself in a very social neighborhood, the ability to deal with others on my own, conflict resolution, responsibility .When HS, I did a few school clubs, but again I learned how to not need organized things to entertain me. I did well in school, went to college and have a good job. Kids learn can learn lessons from activities, but I think lessons learned without them are underrated.[/quote]

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