Reply to Jealousy among siblings and spouses

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[quote=Anonymous]I think you need to take a step back.

Do you like your job? Do you feel you are fairly compensated in your field?

Do you like your spouse? Is your marriage in a good place?

Do you like your family arrangement, with you working full time and your spouse working very part-time? Does it meet your family's needs for childcare, stress levels, togetherness time, getting household administration done?

If you are happy with where you are at in these areas, then really the only thing you are "behind" on is that you don't have a nice handbag and some Cartier jewelry. Ok, I have some good news for you! Identify a couple of those items that you want, do a little research to find out if how to purchase them most frugally (amazing options with second hand items, or for some luxury goods there are sales periodically) and then go buy them. Yes, I understand that you have a budget and can't shop like that all the time. But you can do it once. If it would bring you joy and help you feel like you've "made it" then do it.

I did this recently buying art for our home. I felt like I expected to have some real art in my home by a certain age and income level, but didn't. I stopped lamenting about it and did some research on where and how to buy art, found a couple pieces I like, and ponied up some savings to buy them. I see them every day and love them, and they make my home feel like what I envisioned when I was younger. I'm not going on a spending spree and buying a new painting every 6 months. I spent a few thousand that I had sitting in a CD. I am certain you have money like that around too and if it matters to you, go ahead and spend it.

If spending that money that way doesn't feel right, then remind yourself of that the next time you see someone with their nice bag or jewelry -- you could have bought the same, but you made a conscious choice not to. Feel secure in that choice.

The issue is not that they have so much more, it's just they've chosen to spend their money in a specific way. That's not a competition, it's about priorities and preferences. Yours may just be different.[/quote]

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