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Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
Reply to "What is fair in this divorce?"
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[quote=Anonymous]Details: We are 38 (F) & 40 (M). Married 4.5 years. No kids. We owned two homes, a condo in the city and the other a seasonal home in Vermont. We just sold the Vermont home. We are listing our city condo in the next couple weeks. I (wife) rent an apartment while we’re separated and he stayed in the condo. No other assets (no cars), but large (for us) bank accounts. About $100k in savings and about $100k in checking. The condo is going on the market for $1.2mil. We haven’t owned it long, so the only real equity we have in it is the down payment ($200k). No debt other than the giant mortgage. My husband makes around $400k/ year and I make around $88k/ year. Big difference. I came into this marriage with nothing. Literally. I had $8k in debt and was making pennies (was trying to start a business). Backstory, not sure if it matters: I am the one who is initiating divorce. He doesn’t want it. He is a very bad alcoholic. I’ve posted about him here before. He’s had seizures, has been hospitalized several times, crashed our car, got a DUI, has lied to me more times than I can count. I could go on. I’ve spent 2.5 years (so over half our marriage) trying to “fix” him, help him, support him, etc. He is incredibly angry with me for “giving up on him”, “leaving him” etc. But there has been so much damage done. And he won’t stop drinking. We are going to attempt the mediation route. I just have no idea what is fair. Yes, I know, this is where a lawyer comes in. And it may end up at that point. But he said something earlier on the phone that “you should leave the marriage w/ what you came in with”, so now I think he’s going to expect me to take nothing. I don’t want 50/50, I truly don’t want much. I just want this done. I don’t want any of his retirement/ 401k/ etc. I just would like a certain chunk of savings. But what? 10%? 20%? 30%? He’s worked really hard, and it’s taken him a while to get where he is. As much as I am mad at him for all this, he doesn’t deserve someone trying to take him to the cleaners. Would love to hear suggestions, other stories, etc. thank you. [/quote]
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