Reply to 12 yo daughter groped at school...at least twice

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I agree with the PP who said "Define grope" for us who you're asking advice of. Also was it the same kid who did it the 2nd time?

For starters, any info she hasn't shared yet she needs to share with you. So if you don't know details of the "groping", tell her you are worried it will continue if she doesn't tell you more.  Maybe also explain to her that her trust in you is so important to you... AND you have a job as her parent to protect her. That you have to be able to do that or you're worried she'll feel worse and worse.  See how that goes.

I also wonder if whoever groped her told her that if she tells on them, they'll do it more and tell the whole school or tell everyone lies about her.  If she's anxious and quiet already, abusers (both child and adult abusers) are often good at sniffing out who will not fight back or stand up for themselves.  So maybe also tell her that even if whoever did it threatened her, they are relying on her silence to keep doing it to her and others.  That the only way to interrupt it is to address it, even though that also can be stressful.[/quote]

I'm same PP, if she does tell you more or you are ready to reach out to school, if you can, go to the school to talk to the teacher and ask both what was said and also what the school's protocol is for such behaviors. The teacher likely can't or won't tell you which kid it was or what specific follow up happened because they're not supposed to talk about other kids (sometimes they do anyway though).  But asking what the protocol is is important, because that's how you know what follow up is supposed to happen and also ask what would happen in their protocol if she's groped again.  AND... also ask a Dean or Vice Principal or Behavior Dean (whoever handles kids breaking the rules overall) what the protocols are.  Get a 2nd answer because sometimes if the teacher hasn't followed up, they don't tell you all the facts about what they were *supposed* to do because they didn't do it. So get the info from someone else as well.

If you can't go to the school in person, call the school, ask for the emails of her teacher and whoever handles behavior, and email them these questions.  But I do understand you wanting to try to get your daughter to a point where you have her "consent" to reach out, but you really may have to anyway.

How is it going finding her a therapist? When is the last time she had one and what if anything was she diagnosed with? Just asking because it might also help us with ideas for you about how to get her to understand and accept you talking to the school.[/quote]

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