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[quote=Anonymous]Partner had a rather long emotional affair, I am positive they’ve never physically touched the AP but there was likely some sexting.

I’ve been through all sorts of emotions, done lots of reading and I’ve come to some realizations.

What hurts the most:
Over the previous period of time something felt wrong and on four different occasions I asked directly if they were seeing someone. I spent lots of time with spiraling thoughts and constant anxiety that I never understood but I’ve come to learn that this is a really common side effect when you are being lied to for an extended period.  Your subconscious knows when something is off and because it cannot communicate directly with your conscious mind it often manifests with anxiety and circular thought which is why many people who have been cheated on or lied to repeatedly have a response that makes them feel like they were going crazy. 
I expressed what I was going through to my spouse a number of times and they would either shrug or go silent.  What hurts the most is knowing that they left me in pain when the more humane thing to do would be to tell me the truth. They were floating on cloud nine while I was exploring ketamine therapy to try and short circuit what I thought was some sort of acquired anxiety/panic disorder. Every bit of anxiety disappeared once I learned the truth.

Envy:
I know how easily emotional affairs can start and how powerful they can be, we were not in a good place and if someone else can offer limitless dopamine through texting or phone calls it’s natural to want more of it.  I’m not angry that they didn’t put the brakes on the EA when they felt it cross over, what I am most is envious. Things are looking good as far as reconciliation goes but the one thing I’m kind of stuck on at the moment is that my spouse got to say and hear I love you from someone new and feel all of those amazing feelings that go along with it. They were caught so now all they have to do is put in some work in therapy and continue on. I know the butterflies are probably not going to come back to a long and battered marriage but the thing that bothers me most is that they got to have an extra piece of cake at the party and I’m trying to be happy with the remnants of the vegetable plate.

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