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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. And I do have a couple of IRL friends who I can lean on. But still, they have families to deal with and apparently I don’t anymore?  So I guess it’s in my mind to tread lightly now because I’ll be leaning on them for a long time I expect.

And, thanks to reading this same post regularly here on DCUM, I’ve learned that I’m supposed to keep it to myself that I know and start my planning, right?  Thanks DCUM!

The hard part is pretending all is well for the kids. DH and I have been rocky for a while now, so being distant from him isn’t new and I think I can manage that front. [b]The kid situation is tough. Realistically, my choices are to tell their their dad is, at minimum, weak and pathetic for not just telling me he wants out before finding someone new, and at worse, the expectation will be that I keep this secret from the kids until the day I die to protect their relationship with him.  That seems like a big ask and a big secret to keep, but probably the right thing to do?[/b]  Doing the right thing is tough in all divorces though, so this kick in the teeth isn’t helping.

The only saving grace is that he’s out of town for ‘work’ for a couple of days so I have a little time to gather my wits right now. [/quote]

That was the absolute toughest for me because my entire life I lived a life of transparency/honesty.  My first thought though was protecting my kids -tween/teen at the time. I also never told my family or friends because I didn’t want my kids to overhear a comment, etc. or gossip. I also didn’t want the judgement that inevitably happens either.

I remember being so angry that I was basically forced to lie to protect my kids’ well-being while spouse and married AP were so effing careless without thought of their kids and partners.  It was a tough nut to swallow. I had blinding anger for a long time.[/quote]

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