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[quote=Anonymous]  I have needed to distance myself and still I get angry messages and am demonized for having strict boundaries with an addict sister-the golden child. Not going to give details of the type of addiction, but it has caused interpersonal issues, legal issues, job issues, etc. If I did a fraction of what she did my mother would never associate with me and would tell everyone to cut me off, but the rule seems to be we must circle around her, comfort her and rescue her. I learned in therapy to detach. I would say "detach with love" but while I wish her only good things, there is no foundation of real love. My sister was pretty awful to me my whole life. Despite that I want her to be healthy and find peace and happiness, but I have no desire for a relationship. I don't even want updates on the latest chaos, but my mother bombards me-text/call/email and then is enraged that I no longer try to comfort my sister or comfort my mother or engage at all. Even worse I refuse to make a false promise that I will rescue when mom is gone. The only person who can "save" my sister is herself and it involves intensive treatment and she refuses too stick to it because she considers herself superior to those who need help. I myself have gotten a lot of therapy just to process the crazy dynamics.

The latest thing is everything is coming down at once due to her addiction and my sister is in emotional chaos. She needs to work this out with professionals and get on medication. My mother is convinced if we just comfort her enough it will all be well. The sad thing is to protect my family and my own sanity I have needed to distance myself from my mother too because she becomes outright abusive in her need to draw me into the dramatics. So my mother has decided everything is my fault and I am the worse person to walk the earth because I refuse to enable ever again. There is no understanding that when I let myself get drawn in it impacts my own ability to be a parent, spouse and worker and I cannot afford to do that nor does it make a difference as we can see.

Anyone relate?[/quote]

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