Reply to People who cannot admit they are wrong even when they are clearly wrong

Forum Index » Off-Topic

Reply to "People who cannot admit they are wrong even when they are clearly wrong"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is mostly just a complaint, not really looking for advice, though if someone has figured out how to deal with people like this, do share!

I've encountered a few people like this and increasingly I just don't get it because it causes so much conflict and most of it would just go away if they would just learn to say things like "oh, I didn't realize, I'm sorry" or "ok, next time I'll ask" or "thanks for letting me know."

Is this bad parenting? A personality disorder? A belief that admitting fault (even when CLEARLY at fault) will somehow snowball into something else?

I don't get it. I've found "I'm sorry" or "I appreciate you telling me this bothers you" to be incredibly useful statement that have helped make my life immeasurably better and more pleasant. Some people are just allergic to them, though. Just... why.[/quote]

I totally agree with you. It is incredibly useful to just say sorry and move on. Helpful in work and personal life. I think it’s actually rare. Most people won’t apologize for things. The only downside to this is someone who acts badly then apologizes but keeps doing the behavior. My husband used to do this—get mad, then apologize, but I wanted him to not lash out.

I learned to say sorry when I went to 12-Step meetings in my 20s. It is part of the 10th step, I think—“when we were wrong promptly admitted it” and I have incorporated that into my life. People are disarmed when you apologize and it opens communication. My parents didn’t apologize for things so I just didn’t learn it. I think it’s pride and embarrassment for people that causes them not to, and some people think it makes them look weak, but the surprise is that if you apologize, it usually works in your favor. Some people say women apologize too much, but not the ones I’ve known. [/quote]

OP here and totally agree. I hadn't heard that phrasing from the 12-step program about promptly admitting it -- I think that's actually key. The longer you wait, the harder it is for people to forgive and come together.

To me, the ability to apologize is a sign of strength. It means the person has a handle on their own ego and knows that they can apologize for a specific act or behavior without admitting they are just a crap person. It's strength of character to me.

I think when people talk about apologizing too much, it refers to people who apologize for things they didn't do. Like I think women are sometimes expected to be responsible for everyone's happiness, so some women will apologize for things like showing up on time if it seems like their hosts are put off by it. Obviously no one should have to apologize for something like that.

But I agree with you that it's not common anymore. I think in my mom's generation a lot of women were conditioned to do that, but Gen X/Millenial/Gen Z women have been told the opposite -- they were taught to behave like men if they wanted to be respected like men. Maybe that's why it feels like no one knows how to apologize anymore -- women used to apologize for themselves and men and everyone else, but then they stopped so no one apologizes for anything anymore.

Ideally everyone would be accountable for their own behavior.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics