Reply to How long is too long for in-laws to stay?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Can the ILs afford a hotel?  Can you pay for a hotel for them?  Even if someone can afford it will they be massively offended if you suggest it?

I think 10 days is fine if they come once a year or less.  If more often no way.  I loved having my ILs (RIP) for 3 week visits but they only came once every few years and were great guests.  BILs family, the wife treats us like maids so we have a 4 day limit for them.

So you actually do like them, you just have a hard time with the long disruption to your routine which causes you stress and you blame that for fighting with your wife.  Do l have that right?  Is there something specific that triggers the fights that can be mitigated, besides shorter visits?  Maybe you and wife can solve this together, like you going to work in a library for some days (if you WFH) - just an example.  [/quote]

You are correct.  I like them.  They are fine as guests.  It’s just that it always results in some big fight between DW and me.  I tried to talk to DW about that, and suggested that, from my perspective, having our usual routine disrupted for so long creates stress that builds up to a fight.  She then got upset at me and accused me of not liking her parents.  It would be great to work out a solution.  However, she seems stuck on saying I don’t like her family.  We have been stuck there since September.

We are now supposed to go visit some of her relatives for Thanksgiving.  They don’t really have a lot of space in any event, but I suggested that we find an airbnb or hotel.  At which point, she renewed her allegation that I don’t like her family.  In reality, I don’t want to spend my time trying to share a queen bed with DW and a kid while we are visiting.[/quote]

Can you reframe it as you get stressed out in these situations, it’s not that you don’t like her family specifically, you don’t do well with your routine being off.  You are a bit rigid about routine, she is not and isn’t being open to hearing how it affects you (this is what it sounds like just hearing your side).  Maybe a therapist could help you guys learn to communicate better.  [/quote]

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