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[quote=Anonymous]My mother deeply resented her mother for various reasons that didn't make a lot of sense to me. She also really resented how much I adored my grandmother, but she let me spend a ton of time with her anyway. That's partly because things were not great at home, my father and brother were bullies to me and she gave me at least that escape - which ultimately ended up being all summer with my grandmother for several years after we moved across country.

My mother and I had a fraught relationship and ultimately ended up estranged by my choosing. It mostly had to do with continued abuse/bullying from my father and brother and her unwillingness to stand up to it, which she'd never done for herself either and which I really resented her for - my childhood was miserable in many ways because my mother didn't have the guts to leave. Ironically one of the things she was angriest at her mother for was that her mother left her father when she was in her late teens. But she always talked about her father like he was perfection (I doubt it very much).

My point is that if there is an adult in your child's life who loves that child in healthy ways, be supportive of that. Whatever complaints my mother had about her mother - she never went into details except her resentment over the divorce which happened in the 50s when such things were much more stigmatizing in a small town - my grandmother ended up being the most consistently kind adult in my life, given that my mother was all over the place emotionally in the context of her abusive marriage. My time with my grandmother was the happiest time of my childhood and I'm grateful that my mother didn't let her ego get in the way of that relationship.

I'm sure your kids have a much better homelife, but still, grandmas are special so long as they aren't abusive. Many people are MUCH better grandparents than they were parents. Keep an eye out for anything untoward, but otherwise let your kid have grandma.[/quote]

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