Reply to Help Resolve Issue/Communication Error

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op you are being very nice to call out that you didn’t know it was a big deal.

But honestly you are t the issue here. The fact that this is a big deal to him (either then OR weeks later) is the key problem here.
As others have pointed out, she is 10 on a REC league and [b]she’s not missed any other games or practices. You are not teaching her to be a flake. You are teaching her that you honor prior commitments/plans[/b] that she made with her grandparents. If it’s five years from now on a travel league where you purchased tickets AFTER the soccer season schedule was posted, that’s worth a convo and a reschedule.

But this is DH throwing a fit bc he’d rather do the soccer dad thing than go to the theatres and hes leaning into the commitment and not letting the team down thing as a justification. Truth is—the team (including coach) is not gonna care. She’s 10. Grandparents would be sad though. HIS priorities are out of whack.[/quote]

NP. See the bold above, OP. And please compare it to the soccer coach who posted separately and was basically trying to say that your DD will somehow "pay!" for not being at ONE game when she's made it to all the others. Coach is wrong, and PP above is right.

And your DH is being self-centered. Yes, you and he should have left things much clearer but you never once said that you were working on changing the tickets and if he thinks you were, he should have asked much sooner.

You asked how to resolve this. It's resolved. You, DD and the grandparents will go to the show. And you use the good script you already wrote for yourself in your own post, OP! You own words with additions at the end:

[i]I’m frustrated that you just now shared how upset you are and had no clue you were quietly stewing about this for weeks because I wasn’t “doing anything” to fix it. I now better understand why you are upset, and had I known all this weeks ago I might have been more open to exploring other options, but I honestly thought we had settled the issue weeks ago. We should both have communicated better then, and I think we both realize that now. However, the show is a week away now, [b]DD is anticipating it and SHE is not stressing about missing one game when she has been at ALL other games[/b] and shown her commitment to the team. We'll go to the show, but from now on, we need to learn from this and not stew and say nothing, and not make assumptions about what each other is or is not doing.[/i]

The bold is important too, OP. If DD is anticipating this and has been since BEFORE soccer, well, that matters too! She's 10 and in a rec league, not 17 and missing the championship game that will get her a soccer scholarship. It Is Not The End Of The World. And it truly does not mean she's going to learn to flake on commitments for the rest of her life. A long-planned one-off special event is NOT "flaking" or "failing to commit."

I have to wonder, how will DH be if your DD were to start preferring a musical theater class to soccer team? Or if she prefers softball or tennis or art or music and not soccer? He needs to take a step back if he's having his tantrum because he mostly doesn't like shows and prefers sports. That's his preference -- not ecessarily DD's. If she doesn't want to keep playing soccer after this one league season is over, keep an eye out; you don't want him to pressure her if he sees himself as Soccer Dad and thinks she "should" play. I know, that's not what's happening right now, but I'd watch for any signs he wants her to do what he thinks is the preferable activity, if it's not what she wants for herself. 
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