Reply to DH and his elderly parents not discussing the future, what are the worst-case scenarios

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The worst-case scenario is that they make no plans and then a crisis (such as a stroke, or falling down and breaking a hip) forces them to figure it out. So then they move into whatever facility is availble to them at the time, either near one of their children or near where they live. That is the worst-case scenario.

For driving, I think your plan can be that you hire someone to drive them places. If they don't have that much money, they'll probably end up on Medicaid-funded care eventually, so it doesn't really matter how long that takes. The plan is they spend what they have, then they get on Medicaid.

A session with a financial planner *who lives in their state and is familiar with its Medicaid* would probably benefit you, and may help to set your mind at ease. Then speak with someone who is in your state, so you have a handle on how it works if they move to a facility near you.

It's a mistake to think advance planning will really help you that much. They could have it all planned out and then their chosen facility could close. They could move to be near your BIL and then he could pass away. It can go any number of ways and there's not necessarily any benefit to trying to plan it now.

Your DH and his family are CHOOSING to make no plans, and you can respond to that by NOT taking it upon yourself. It's going to be a ton of work and a giant pain when it happens, no matter how much time and energy you invest in trying to plan it. When older people choose not to communicate their wishes, they're choosing to have their adult children decide for them. And that is a perfectly fine choice.[/quote]

Thank you! This is the most helpful answer I’ve ever gotten on DCUM.

The reason why it concerns me is that DH is a big law partner and just wouldn’t have time to deal if there is a scenario in which he would have to take a lot of time off, BIL might be able to but I just want them to consider different scenarios and how it may affect them (DH and BIL).[/quote]

Plenty of us face similar hurdles. For example, I have time, but I live across the Atlantic. The reality is that in such scenarios, it's the elderly folks who suffer. They're not going to benefit from optimal support from their children. That's all.

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