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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I understand why you’re wording this neutrally but it’s impossible to give advice on this issue that way. Because there is no “should” here. There is just want people are willing and able to do or give, and how that makes other people feel.

You’re both acting reasonably so far, and here’s how I would recommend you go forward.

If you are Sister B, I would recommend a thought experiment. If your sister were only giving as much time and money as you are, what would that mean for your parent’s care? Realistically, what would that look like? A Medicaid nursing home? A slightly nicer nursing home? How many visits/extras? Then I would reevaluate my choices based on that. If that scenario was where you were, would you give or do more? Then I think you owe it to your sister and parent to do that now. If not, if you’re honest with yourself that while it would be hard to see a parent in that situation, it’s all you have to give. Then you reiterate to your sister that you cannot assist more, along with your sincere apologies and lots of gratitude for what she does.

If you’re Sister A, you need to ignore all that, and accept as fait accompli that your sister is giving all she can right now. And you need to evaluate your own choices and see what is worth it to you. If the pace of spending and help isn’t sustainable for you, you need to cut back. You can absolutely do this unilaterally as well. There is no “fair” here, that concept is a relationship killer.

BUT it’s important to note that this advice only applies to YOU, OP. You can’t read what I wrote to the other sister and say “SEE? She’s not doing that! She’s WRONG.” It doesn’t work like that. [/quote]

This is excellent.  So rare you read something so eloquent on DCUM!  Thanks PP.  (I'm a NP, but this is such a good way to frame all this).[/quote]

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