Reply to How do people do this: caregiving, kids, jobs, etc

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[quote=Anonymous]I already posted, but am going to go out on a limb here. Yes, we all want to do right by our elders and feel guilt, but I am wondering if part of the guilt is, you will likely inherit a lot? I say that because my mother actually used that guilt on me and it just made it all worse. I truly wanted to do right by her, but the money piece was like stabbing me. Then as my health declined I realized better that we spend it on getting people to help her who will cater to her because I cannot anymore.

Also, I reminded myself she never spelled out to me prior: ....You will inherit alot, but I expect you to be my personal verbal punching bag. No matter what you do it will not be enough. I will make threats too and I will constatnly tell you why everyone else's adult children and your own siblings are far better than you. And I will treat your kids like second class citizens and play favorites with grandchildren and I will scream at you at the drop of a hat, but refuse to stay on my meds...The list goes on. I spent my entire life jumping through hoops to please her, the bar kept getting raised and I still ended up garbage in her eyes. If I do inherit-lovely. I will use it for therapy, the kids will inherit more, put it toward college, donate to a charity and save for medical expenses. I will give myself permission not to feel guilty. I never signed up for abuse. If I don't inherit that is fine. Nobody owes anyone their soul for money.[/quote]

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