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[quote=Anonymous]I’m going to start by telling you how sorry I am OP.  I am going through something very, very similar with my mom.  Reading your post and I could have written almost the same thing.  I’ve started referring to myself as her dumpster because all she does a lot of the time is dump on me.  It’s hard having an old person who refuses to take any personal responsibility for their own happiness.  It’s hard having an old person with a difficult personality.  In my case I think my mom partially fabricates her issues for attention.  She has no concept or care of anything in my life that isn’t her.  It’s mind boggling to me.

What I’ve done is set up my work schedule for a four day work week.  It makes for longer work days but I have every Friday off and in the past year I’ve given her every single Friday.  I set up all her doctors appointments, visits with old friends, grocery shopping, clothes shopping, lunches, etc on those Fridays.  She was creeping into my weekends for several months and I literally had no time for other responsibilities so I finally had to establish some boundaries for my own mental health.

I have been visiting one night a week after work as well but I’m planning on stopping those as I don’t think those visits are beneficial.  When my mom starts to complain about how bad her assisted living place is and how she wishes she could get out more I always respond that I’m happy to hire someone to take her out and spend time with her as much as she’d like.  She always declines.  I knows she’s waiting for me to volunteer to do more but there’s no more I can give her.

Take care of yourself OP, prioritize your own life.  I’ve had to choose between her happiness and her safety at this point.  She can be unhappy if she chooses, as long as she’s safe.

And as far as assisted living activities go- mine barely participates as well.  They’ll have a whole day on the agenda but often no one will show up.  My mom won’t do it alone.  That’s an issue she’s going to have to figure out, like your loved one will.  [/quote]

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