Reply to Massive long tantrum yesterday

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Reply to "Massive long tantrum yesterday"

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[quote=Anonymous]I am sympathetic because my DH struggles with this too. He gets mad and resorts to confrontation with DD during a meltdown. It is like the #1 most ineffective thing you can do. Little kids will just model your behavior so if you get upset, they just get more upset. Your DH has to learn to be calm, even if your child hits him, so that the child can see what calm in the face of adversity looks like and develop those skills. If your DH can't do that, he needs to learn to remove himself from the situation and let you handle it.

Look up the concept of "co-regulation" for toddler meltdowns. You model calm and healthy coping techniques, and your kid learns from watching you.

I do think your instinct fit a change of venue and to get outside was good. However bribing him with a cookie when he was in that state likely ramped him up more (and sends weird messages to him about when he gets a cookie). Also, an outing to a store in that state is just more stress for everyone. What you need in that moment is to lower the stakes all around.

I think the biggest thing is that both you and your DH responded to this meltdown with panic. Your DH got mad, you moved to appeasement. Both of you were acting out of a desire to make the meltdown stop immediately, because you couldn't deal with it.

Learning to tolerate it when your kid is tantrumming, stay calm, and rude it out, will help him feel like his big scary feelings aren't so scary. Offer comfort within reason, but not bribes and treats if you can. Look to engage him with gross motor activity (climbing, jumping, running) and sensory activity (hugs if he tolerates them, being rolled up in a blanket, playing with slime). And also accept that he might not be ready for any of that and might just melt down for a minute. The more accepting you are of that melt down, usually the shorter lived it is.[/quote]

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