Reply to Massive long tantrum yesterday

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[quote=Anonymous]The PPs have offered good advice.  I wouldn’t suggest putting him in a crib though, because at 2.5 he’s probably getting to the stage where he might climb out.

I’d probably just put him in his room saying he needed to take a time out to calm down and he could come out whenever he was ready to interact nicely.  This   works best if you do it at first warning signs before they’re in full tantrum.

It sounds like what he really needed was sleep.  I think I would have tried getting him down for a nap again if possible.

While I think it was good to try to break the dynamic between your husband and child getting each other more worked up, rewarding a tantrum with a cookie sets a bad precedent.  Also, when you’re husband is trying to discipline him, taking the child away for a cookie undermine’s your husband’s authority.  While he absolutely needed to stop yelling, you need to be a united team.  Next time maybe you could suggest you take over for a while to give your husband a break (like a teammate tagging in) and do something (anything) besides rewarding the behavior.  You can’t let your child divide and conquer. Kids are little Machiavellians that will manipulate any perceived weakness to their advantage.  If he can leverage you against each other, he will, which will ultimately be bad for him and disastrous for your marriage.

Next time, put the child in a safe space and them walk away. He can tantrum as much as he wants, but it won’t benefit at all, so eventually he’ll calm down (or eventually fall asleep).  Meanwhile, that gives you and your husband a chance to call down too. In fact, I found it useful in general that whenever I started getting too upset (tantrumming or not, kids can really push your buttons), I’d say I need a time out to calm down, make sue they were safe, and then leave the room to take a break and get myself back together.

Good luck!  I know those tantrums can be grueling and I’m sorry your family had such a rough day.  Unfortunately, you’ll probably have to endure some more, but now you know what you’re facing and you can strategize with your husband for the next time.

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