Reply to I don't like my friend's husband but we are "family friends"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]As the kids get older it will become a lot easier to do 1:1 stuff (or kid/mom) stuff only. I’d mostly just wait this out and do what you can to plan as many things not with the dad as possible. Can you start meeting up with mom or mom + kid in stroller for a walk before/after work? Find some other standing weekend morning activity the dads aren’t interested in? (Eg you and mom get a coffee while kids go to gymnastics, or you, mom, kids have a library/coffee date every two weeks). By late elementary we were naturally spending more time with personal friends than family friends - especially in situations like this where we mostly got along with one person.

We have a friend like this and we tolerate him a fair amount but also avoid him some. It helps that I think he comes from a good place but that he just has poor social skills (comes off as arrogant, needling, unable to read the room; we’ve long suspected he was on the autism spectrum and wife has confirmed). It’s easier to tolerate his jerkiness as a disability than a character flaw. DH and I are pretty much able to internally role our eyes and move on [/quote]

New poster. +1 to the post above, especially the first paragraph. OP, this is a phase where you all have young-ish kids; as the kids get older, if the adults are going to remain friends with friendships beyond just "We have kids at the same school" etc., you will much more easily find ways to see just your friend and not her DH.

For now, try more to think outside the usual "Time is short so we just get together as entire families." As PP points out, there are other ways to get together with just your friend, maybe her plus you plus all the kids. PP's suggestions are good ones and doable even with everyone working during the week. They just require a little more initial effort to schedule a coffee date in advance, or find a kids' class that works for you/your kids and for her/her kids.

I've been where you are, OP, and if you value the friendship with the DW, just make an effort to see her, occasionally do the all-family get-togethers (while ramping those back in favor of other ways to see just her), and give it some time. It actually is a help here that your DH isn't super interested in this man as a guy friend for himself, so you don't have your DH telling you he wants to see your friend's husband more (right?). I'd start asking the woman about getting any similar-aged kids into some activity together and then you and she will see each other at that, if you arrange it so you and she are the ones taking the kids there. And so on.[/quote]

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