Reply to I don't like my friend's husband but we are "family friends"

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[quote=Anonymous]I have a good friend who has same age kids as me. We became friends when our oldest were babies. Our friendship was initially just a mom friendship, with us both on maternity leave and then returning to work around the same time. Our eldest then went to the same daycare and preschool and became good buddies. Our younger kids aren't as tight but all the kids play great together and get along really well.

So the friendship has naturally segued into more of a family friendship, and most of our hangouts are her whole family and my whole family. The kids want to see each other and we're both dual-income families so this just makes sense. Our DH's get alone fine though they are not friends outside of these hangouts. Very occasionally my friend and I will get together 1:1 but it's incredibly hard with little kids, plus we both have other friends and are already seeing each other at these family meet ups, so it often just feels like there isn't time.

The issue is that I really don't like her husband, and the more I get to know him, the less I like him. I also do not think he likes me. I think we've both put in the effort to get along, but it's like oil and water. He comes off as so arrogant and condescending to me, and I always feel like he's lecturing me about things. He's also incredibly presumptuous -- he always just assumes we're available to babysit their kids or to do favors for them, and when we do those things (out of my love for my friend and her kids), he rarely says thank you and when he does it sounds curt and not grateful at all. I don't know exactly what he doesn't like about me but I definitely feel that vibe from him -- he probably has a list similar to mine about how my personality is bad from his perspective, I don't know.

But other than him, I love this family so much. How do I manage this? I always tell myself to just detach from whatever he's saying, to view him from kind of a distance and just not take any of it seriously. But it's hard to do that and enjoy my time with the others. If he were a guy at work I'd know how to deal with him, but this dynamic makes it hard and he really gets under my skin. What should I do?![/quote]

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