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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It seems people have different standards for themselves and their kids than spouses and in-laws of their kids.

As both partners and their families are important for them and their relationship, why people don't see things fairly?

What can be done by both families to help couples balance it all?[/quote]

Well no-- it's not necessarily true that the families are important for them and their relationship. Sometimes young couples find it much easier and healthier to have LESS time with the extended family. Or to let the extended family experience the natural consequences of their behavior, whatever it may be.

Reading between the lines here, it seems like you have an adult child who is spending more time with the in-laws than with you, and you think this is unfair, and you want the in-laws to back off. You imagine that this will result in you getting more attention from your adult child. But that's not necessarily going to be the result. I think you need to stop blaming others here-- the bottom line is that if your adult child wanted to spend time with you, they would. How can you change your behavior to improve that relationship?

[/quote]

Mine aren't in that phase yet and I'm hoping to learn how to be fair and respectful of feelings of their future partners and partners's families and make it collaborative not competitive.[/quote]

The best thing you can do is accept their choices even if you don't think it's "fair". You're not actually entitled to 50/50 time. You're going to get what they think makes sense under the circumstances at the time, and that can vary quite a bit from year to year.

Your best bet is to be helpful and low-mainenance, not a needy, entitled, insecure, stressful pain in the butt. And not try to go around their backs to deal with the in-laws.[/quote]

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