Reply to Family annoyance - passive aggressive "niceness"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The common denominator is you.

Are you coming off as stressed? Do you seem annoyed? Check in and be honest with your own behavior.

#1. Maybe your mom has been reading right here on DCUM that grandparents, when visiting in the early days, should focus on being helpful rather than just on wanting to hold the baby. Is she going a little overboard? Yeah, maybe. But her intention is good: she wants you to hold the baby whenever you want to, and she knows her holding the baby is a secondary priority.

#2. Maybe—whether you can admit it or not—you are one of those stressed-out, huffy, put-upon hostesses. Maybe in your guests’ mind, the production is obviously a stress to you, and they would rather have you relaxed and serving Wegmans muffins than put-upon and serving French toast.

Reflect. Again: the common denominator is you.[/quote]

In #2 above, OP’s brother says “we don’t want you to feel like you have to…” Thra is pretty much the definition of passive aggressive. It may be a back-handed attempt to be polite, but it’s not. It’s poor manners to be passive aggressive. If you don’t want a big breakfast, say it politely, “we prefer not to eat a large breakfast.” If you think OP seems stressed and huffy, say it, “making the big breakfast seems to stress you out.”

OP, I get it. I also would be annoyed in your shoes if my family couldn’t simply state what they were saying without using a passive voice. And if I told them they were being passive, they wouldn’t get it at all. So… no advice, but I do understand your frustration.[/quote]
No, that is not the definition of passive aggressive! There is nothing aggressive about it.[/quote]

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