Reply to Family annoyance - passive aggressive "niceness"

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[quote=Anonymous]If you have a family like this, do you shut down talk like this?

My family has many codependent qualities and a heavy dose of christian "niceness," "goodness," and "don't be a burden-ness."

Sometimes it gets to me.

Example one: my mom wants to hold grand baby. Repeatedly has to inform me to let her know if I need her to take the baby/need her to help etc. She did not ever say ooh can I hold her, pass me the baby, come to grandma. I had to "need" her to take the baby.

Example 2: brother and family stays with us a few times a year. When they do, on at least one of the days, I make a big breakfast. It's a leisurely affair as I make it all the time and have it timed to do it solo, but it's a nice big breakfast. Everyone likes it & looks forward to it, including my kids.

Brother says things like "we've been talking and we don't want you to feel like you have to make us a big breakfast like you routinely do, we are fine with simple."

I know this. Sometimes my work is hectic and I say i won't have time to do a big dinner, you guys good with ordering and they always are.

It's just the sucking the enjoyment out of doing out, and the annoyingness of constantly having to assure them it's fine/I enjoy it/I do it often.

It is like this all the time, "apologizing" and just difficult & indirect communication patterns.

Do you ignore, respond as they want, play the crap game, set a new tone, respond directly, not let it bother you... I think I'm mostly just venting but it bothers me because my whole childhood was resentful people and me constantly having to anticipate my families' needs and them being mad/withholding care if I did not guess correctly.[/quote]

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