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[quote=Anonymous]
OP, just say, he's an alcoholic -- full stop.

There may be no clear way to know this, but if treating the alcoholism could enable him to function, and if you think there is still a marriage there if he were not drinking, well, it's time for the intervention and treatment.

If the other aspects of his behavior were present prior to alcoholism, then you may not choose to try to help him get sober. Only you can know that.

Just realize that addiction trumps everything else you've mentioned, frankly. Alcoholic, full stop. If you do not have kids, and the love is dead enough that you don't want to help him and see if things improve with help, I'd exit. If you do have kids, though, you need to think hard about whether he can function as a safe parent when he has them 50 percent of the time totally solo without you. It's sick to have to think, "I"ll stay in this so he does not have solo time with the kids when he's drunk, abusive, etc.," but sadly it is a factor many people end up considering. You'll get a lot of "Just divorce and show the kids at least ONE healthy home that offsets his terrible parenting" posts but it's not always that simple.

But again -- no kids? Then the only calculation is if there is enough love left for him to want to help him back to being a better person. If he was always a man-child, maybe not. [/quote]

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