Reply to Psychologist recommends bathroom time out as punishment. Thoughts?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I spoke to a psychologist with expertise in parenting and she gave this advice:

Give child 3 rules: 1) obedience, 2) respect, 3) no arguing. Parents have three rules when responding to child's breaking of these rules (child not told this but parents know): 1) be consistent, 2) no second chances, and 3) no warning before consequences.

If child breaks one of the rules, they are put in bathroom for timeout, for  six minutes, and they must think and be quiet. Presumably if they are not quiet they stay longer or something.

Psychologist also said she doesn't recommend discussing/reasoning with child as it just promotes arguing and doesn't yield much compliance/harmony in the household. She also said kids don't feel guilty enough and her method is designed to foster healthy guilt (not shame).

My gut reaction is no to the bathroom punishment. I had reactions to the rules she gave as well but am curious about what others think. [/quote]

This may work with a very complaint child but will backfire spectacularly with a different child.

Some kids are not "disobeying" when they break a rule, they just don't have the skillset yet to follow them. It's your job as a parent to teach them, not to "punish" them for not having those skills yet!

For some kids, these skills come more naturally and easily, but for other kids it takes longer (years sometimes) and they have to be taught.

The best way to teach -- emotional regulation, clam disposition, respect of people and property -- is by modeling.

Locking your kid in a bathroom is a slippery slope. What happens when they continue to "break" rules after their timeouts? Or they are not quiet inside but scream? Lock them in longer? And when they get physical, i.e. try to get out of the bathroom, are you going to physically restrain them? Where does this end?

Again, with a super compliant kid this might work (although I still think it is cruel) but with lots of kids you are setting up power struggles that will destroy your family's peace.

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