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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]In ES conferences, usually teachers would praise my kids in some ways not quite a claim like they are the most x or best x, but drawing out very specific qualities that were strengths.  But they were both a little quirky, very smart (both ended up in the GT program) and maybe not always the easiest fit with school.  I often felt like the teacher praised aspects of my kids because it was obvious they also had some challenges/quirks.  Praise was a way to even things out and show that the teacher appreciated their good qualities even as we worked on other aspects that were more challenging.  I often wondered if they were more well-rounded, 'easy' smart kids if they wouldn't be so pointed in their praise because they wouldn't think we/they needed the reassurance.[/quote]

Agree with this, as a parent of another "quirky" kid. I often feel the praise is designed to help couch criticism. Which is fine, we are aware our kid has stuff to work on and I want to hear from teachers about it because that's the only way it's going to improve. Sometimes the praise is phrased in a way that it's actually not even that complimentary.

I definitely get the sense that teachers don't like my kid. I wish they did -- I think she's wonderful with a lot of great qualities and that the better you get to know her, the more rewarding it is. But I'm also realistic that teachers only have her for a short period of time, that they must balance her needs with the needs of the class, and that some of DD's challenges might make that balance hard. I try to be empathetic to them while also making sure I'm getting my DD what she needs.

I do feel like it's more important for teachers to offer praise and encouragement directly to my child than to tell me all about it. Telling me about it is nice for my ego and soothes my parental anxiety, but praising my child directly is actually really valuable to her development and can be a huge factor in her addressing her challenges. I remember from my own school experience how important teachers praise was to me and how different my experience was in classes where teachers were supportive and encouraging, versus those where they seemed indifferent or even hostile to me. That's way more important than what they say to me.[/quote]

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