Reply to How long to wait to get to counseling after affair discovery?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Spouse has been in an online emotional affair exchanging regular I love you’s for the past 15 months, nothing physical but there was likely sexting and maybe some video stuff.

They were proclaiming love for someone 7 days ago but after being caught they finally want to go to the marriage counseling I’ve been suggesting for a few years.

It feels weird to start work on a marriage with someone that’s still in love with somebody else.

Should there be a cooling off period before starting therapy?

[/quote]

Are you the guy who had the emotional affair and then your wife had one?

You guys both sound very conflict avoidant. I think you should start the therapy ASAP and deal with this. Actually start talking to each other honestly and openly. Anger and feeling distant, etc. is normal and a good therapist will help you get to the painful vulnerable feelings underlying this. You need to get all the negative emotions out there and stop sweeping everything under the rug.

Good suggestion to limit talking about this topic to therapy. Make sure you get someone good. PsyD or PhD have more years training. LCPC or LISCW have been so so in my experience.[/quote]

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