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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, you could be describing the relationship between my brother and our mom. It's a very tricky dynamic that's a lifetime in the making. Brother is fine and patient with everyone else, but is easily triggered by mom, who's hyper-critical and controlling. I tolerate her behavior better but grit my teeth sometimes. I see his responses to her as immature, but I blame her for the unhealthy dynamic b/c she's instigator and he's always reacting to her.

I don't think there's much anyone else could do if the parties involved don't want to seek therapy. Maybe get your H books on grayrock? [/quote]

This is my dh and his mom.  Dh has some very deep anger around his mom.  With her, he’s still an angry resentful child wanting her to be someone she’s not.   I think for people with difficult parents you have to grieve for the childhood you didn’t get and reach a place where you accept it for what it was.  My dh isn’t there, he’s still very angry.  And his mom is extremely difficult. I’m pretty sure she has a personality disorder.

Anytime I’ve interfered, I’ve ended up regretting it.   They have to work out their relationship.  I support dh in whatever he wants to do, but that’s the extent of my involvement.  [/quote]

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