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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Stay out of it and be on your husband's team. He has a history with her you don't understand. [/quote]

This.

OP, the thing in your OP that bothers me is that you summarize his experience with her growing up and in young adulthood in very general terms and conclude his attitude is unfair. I went through this with a boyfriend I had before I met my current husband. My BF met my parents and was like "they seem totally normal and fine, I don't understand why you have such a difficult relationship -- it seems like you are overreacting." But my parents used to hit me and scream at me when I was a child. My mom would make fun of me when I cried (as a child). My dad would ignore me for weeks at a time. They were abusive and neglectful. But yeah, they now act "normal and fine" and have chosen to selectively forget a lot of the stuff they did when my siblings and I were kids because on some level they now realize they were totally in over their head and were really awful, but can't admit it to themselves.

One of the reasons my DH and I work is that after a few times of meeting my parents, my DH said "you know at first I didn't understand your relationship with your parents, but I'm starting to get it. your mom seems really nice but like 99% of everything she says is a half truth, and your dad doesn't even remember what your profession is, which is really weird when you think about it." He saw past the "nice and normal" to what was underneath it, and he did so with empathy towards me.

I would start by assuming your DH has ever reason to feel the way he does about his mom. Just accept it as totally valid. Then proceed from that position. I actually find it much easier to be polite to my parents knowing that when they leave, I can tell my DH how angry I am at them and he will back me up.[/quote]

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