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[quote=Anonymous]
I have that sort of mother, OP, and you must understand the CUMULATIVE effect of years of criticism and nagging. It's extremely damaging, particularly when it shapes your entire childhood. I have a deep fear of being criticized by everyone (boss, friends, spouse, etc) because of my childhood and I am socially anxious as a result.

The consequence is that when my mother utters the least little bit of negativity, it triggers a reaction in me, because of all the stuff she's said and done before. So a neutral observer would be surprised that I get upset over a small perceived slight, but in reality it just took me back to a lifetime of critique and nagging.

What you can do is help your husband distance himself and mature into someone who can occasionally even laugh at the silliness of his mother. It's taken me until my late 30s/early 40s to get there, OP! And I only reached that point after moving to a different continent in my late teens, and seeing my mother, at best, once a year! That way, I miss her, she misses me, and when we get together, the first days are happy and critique-free. By the end of the first week, it all goes downhill, because she can't help herself. Usually she only stays for 10 days - 2 weeks because of this. She does this to my husband and my children as well, so at least in my family, we are united in our "careful handling" of my mother.

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