Reply to If you had a completely non-potty trained 5 year old

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[quote=Anonymous]OP have you ever potty trained a child?

I've potty trained three and two were easy and one was not. I can tell you from experience that cleaning up accidents (or changing diapers) of an older child who is struggling to potty train is not easier than potty training a child. But it's sometimes what happens. In our case the child who potty trained late (not 5, but a little after age 4, still way later than the other two) has ADHD and there are a number of factors that make it harder for her than for other kids. She tends to be dismissive of bodily discomfort (also does this with pain) and will just power through rather than say something. She hates stopping what she's doing and it can cause anxiety to disrupt an activity in order to go to the bathroom. She also used to have major issues with using bathrooms outside our home, which would lead to her withholding poop, which would lead to constipation, which tends to make it even harder for kids to recognize the urge to urinate. It was very difficult but trust me when I say that we were very aware of these issues and working hard to address them.

Agree with the teacher PP who noted that what looks like indifference to you might be embarrassment, and will add that it could also be due to conditioning themselves to remain calm/neutral to the point of detachment regarding their child's potty issues, because a very late training child can be a massive form of stress and that can lead parents to become intense and stressed about it, which also tends to make pottying issues worse and lead to anxiety and withholding in the child. One thing we learned from the behavioral therapist we worked with was to adopt an approach of nonchalance, "it will happen when it happens," not because we were indifferent but because our child needed to internalize the idea that this process was in their control and that we had faith it would resolve. It took a great deal of willpower to do this.

Also agree with teacher PP that you need to view the parents as allies in this, and should absolutely reach out to resources at the school to come up with solutions that help the child in moving towards independence in this area without taking all your time away from the other children in class. By the way, whether the child has a diagnosis or not, this issue will qualify them for an IEP so if that hasn't been discussed, you should initiate that process.[/quote]

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