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[quote=Anonymous]If it is at all possible for you, I have found forgiveness so empowering.

My mother was pretty flawed - a screamer, a hitter, completely uninterested in her children's lives. Terrible communicator. Never said I love you. She started dating while my father was in the hospital in a coma. Had a date the night of his funeral. Some much more, but you get the idea.

I've been on my own since 19. In college, I too saw others with much more traditional family dynamics. I had planned to just completely cut all communication. And I did for about 2 years.

But at some point, I just let go of all the anger and resentment and disappointment and it was so incredibly freeing. I was able to move on with my life, without this weight around my neck.

For comparison, my sister still has a lot of baggage from our childhood/my mother and has lots of unhealthy habits including drinking and smoking in excess, and has a victim mentality, blaming much on our mother for her lot in life.

I see my mom a few times a year, not for more than 24-48 hours. My DC has a relationship with her (and she is actually very warm and kind with him).

I don't have strong daughter/maternal feelings for her. But she is a relative with a shared history, and I do feel responsible for her care as she gets older, as I would a relative or neighbor that I have the ability to help.

But most importantly, if you are able to forgive your mom for all of her shortcomings and failures, it will be empowering for YOU, and enhance your quality of life.

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