Reply to Vent: cheating ruined our friendship

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]That's not fair on you, OP. You've been a good friend to both and you don't deserve to be left out in the cold.

You can only hope that this is temporary and that she stops overreacting. It's not like strippers are anything like cheating with a friend of the family. Maybe one day she'll see that.
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I don’t think it’s temporary sadly. He had to quit all drinking and weed too. They had some other non cheating issues. Maybe he was attracted to me and I didn’t know? I don’t regret making him say something but I’m just annoyed [/quote]'

Your empathy for the cheated-on wife seems very low, OP. Can you see that?

I know, you were willing to tell her he was cheating, but other than that, you seem pi$$ed at her that he's not your buddy any more.

Please try to take a step back from "But he was my friend too!" and realize: They have to both put the marriage first, far, far above you or any other friendships either of them has, for now at least, maybe forever.

Think of her perspective if you can muster the empathy: He screwed someone else, he apparently has weed and alcohol issues (at least uses enough she thinks it's an issue for the marriage, which is all they should be focused on), and you say you know they had "other non-cheating issues." If you were a real, deep, understanding friend to them both, who wanted the best for them, you would know to step way, way back, and stop thinking about your own annoyance here. If you never hear from them again, wish them the best in your mind and let it go. This is not about YOU or your "big brother" friendship with the DH.[/quote]

My empathy is not low for her at ALL. I have a shitty ex, I know how it feels.  Everyone teaches you how to mourn relationships but not friendships. They supported me through some really hard times, so while my post is initially about her not allowing him to talk to me, I’ve lost both of them and it sucks. [/quote]

I do believe you have empathy for her but the post's focus on your own feelings about him kind of obscured it. I'm sorry you've lost them both. But if you're a sincere friend to both, and it sounds like you are, then the best gift you can give them both is to let them both go. Grieve the loss, for certain. But if you have thoughts of trying to interact with him apart from her or whatever, you're not doing their marriage any favors and may end up angering her so she pushes him away just as he's trying to work on their relationship. Just something to consider if you're wanting to hang onto contact. [/quote]

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