Reply to I don’t understand how people claim the affair partner is blameless?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have prosocial values, and I'm attracted to people -- as friends and lovers -- who also care about others and the big picture. No, I don't bear the personal responsibility for another person lying or cheating; that's definitely on them. But I also don't see the benefit of enabling or tolerating that behavior just to spend time with someone whose judgment and character I can't trust. If I want no strings sex, there are plenty of people willing to give it to me without lying to their partner to do so.

Despite what I said about my values, I do scratch my head at the idea that we'll dissuade struggling women from hooking up with married men by reminding them of the wives. Because the person they're most benefiting and protecting by saying no to that mess is themselves. If they can't look out for themselves, then no, they won't look out for a stranger whom they view as competition either.

I have a theory that the "OW are blameless" posters are generally the same few actual, or recovering, OW posting as a means of trying to outrun their shame. You do not get that level of vitriol from people looking at the situation from the outside. Even if they're just the kind of people who cheat on their taxes, steal from stores, lie whenever they can't be bothered, etc., it doesn't make sense to me that they'd decide to dig in on this one topic.

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I appreciate the way you think about this [/quote]

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