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[quote=Anonymous]My father died of cancer when I was 9.  I also wish he had written a letter or taken more photos with us.  Again it was the early 80s so there were no videos etc. but I remember as a child just really wishing for a letter from him a few years later.

My best word of advice would make sure their lives stay as similar as possible and that they get therapy.  We never talked about my dad after he died, like ever... he was just there and awesome and then had cancer and then was never mentioned again.   My mother also became very depressed, had to go back to work and my daily life changed dramatically.  I went to school then came home and was by myself, no after school activities because there was no money for them and no one to drive me there.  My mother came home and we had dinner but then she just locked herself in the den to watch tv all night. She died when I was in college but it honestly was a relief because she was so depressed for so many years.  I was really not well after my father died but it was the early 80s and no one really recognized it or thought of getting me help.   I would write letters to god asking him to make my mother die and my father come back... really messed up things.  I tried to kill myself in 7th grade but it didnt work so I didnt tell anyone.  I was bulimic from 10th grade well into adulthood.   Had severe panic attacks from 5th grade on that no one addressed... things like hitting myself in the face over and over again if I did not do well on a test or if I was not invited to a party.  I really do blame the whole thing on my father dying and the situation just being handled horribly.  And before all this my family was like a perfect, happy family.  Solidly upper middle class well adjusted and liked each other.  It was amazing how fast things unraveled.  I think what saved me is my mother used the little money she got from social security to send me to sleep away camp for 8 weeks every year.  It was my godsend.

I say this not to freak you out but you need to think about this if death really is a reality for you.  THINGS WILL BE BAD.  People who you thought you could rely on eventually fade.  We were a couple hundred dollars away from losing our house and my fathers sister sat in our living room bitching about how expensive the buy in was for the country club near her new summer house.  Wrong on so many levels.  Also very wrong that I, at age 10 or 11, was burdened with the idea of us losing our house.   I have no relationship with either side of my family now.  I really think I should write a book.

To give you hope I am a very well adjusted adult with a good marriage and family.  I never stopped working out of fear of my husband dying and essentially going bust.   I make significantly less than him but could manage to keep my family afloat if he left.

Its probably too late now but buy life insurance if you can.  I hope things go well for you in treatment and that your family doesnt have to face the potential of your loss.[/quote]

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