Reply to "Your spouse should handle the ILs" Why?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I often see people respond to posts about IL issues with something along the lines of "Why are you involved at all?  Let your spouse handle it."

Certainly, sometimes that is the right answer.  I myself have on occasion said to my spouse, "You need to deal with your mother." B[b]ut why is it that some people think it is ALWAYS the right answer?[/b]

My MIL is a person in my life.  She is in my spouse's life and in my kids' lives.  While she can be extraordinarily frustrating and intrusive, she is somebody that I have a relationship with, my own.  Why should I not raise it with her directly if she has done something to offend/upset me?  I do that with everyone else in my life.

Now, if I literally did not want to have any personal relationship with her at all, did not want her "in my life" it would make sense.  But assuming I do...

Genuinely curious about this approach to ILs.  
[/quote]

I think a lot of aggravation comes from using the word "always."

If you are spending a lot of time on the internet and find yourself thinking, "Why do people ALWAYS say/think this or that," then the answer is to step away from the internet. Life is complicated. There's nuance. Do some people refuse to ever deal with their in-laws? There are 8 billion people in the world; I'm sure we could find someone. But in general, if anyone gives you a hard and fast, black and white rule about any subject, they probably are not a deep thinker and I would take their advice with a grain of salt. If they say, "Well MILS ALWAYS blame the DIL, so I have to take this approach" or whatever, then close the laptop and slowly back away.[/quote]

Thanks?

To clarify, on NEARLY every post where someone posts an issue regarding their ILs somebody posts "Let spouse handle it."  This runs the spectrum of issues, which leads me to conclude that SOME people take the approach that spouses should be the one who communicates/deals with ILs.

I'm curious about that approach to a relationship, or lack of relationship, with a spouse's parents.[/quote]

A lot of the times it's because the OP is inserting themselves into something that initially involved just their spouse. Like the MIL is telling the spouse they are upset the family isn't coming for the holidays, what should OP do? And the answer is, let the spouse deal with it and stay out of it.[/quote]

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