Reply to If you lost your mom when you were young...

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[quote=Anonymous]"He and his brother even avoided spending time with her in the final stages of her illness, to his shame today. "It's the sort of thing that I'm never going to get over, and probably never forgive myself for," he said."

That quote rings true for DH. He lost his mom earlier than age 13, but he also remembers avoiding seeing his mom, because he said, seeing her reminded him that he was going to lose her soon, and he didn't want that to happen. He also said his family threw away almost all pictures of his mother, so he wouldn't have to think about her (could forget faster). I think it would have helped if DH's father helped him process his feelings during his mother's illness and afterwards, instead of trying to create a "normal" life as if his mom was fine. Also, maybe if you could find ways your kids can be helpful during your illness, and let them know they make you feel better. DH feels shame, not only because he avoided his mom, but also because he feels that he wasn't there for her (knowing now that she also needed him).

Cancer is not a death sentence. Good luck in your recovery!

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