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[quote=Anonymous]My dh's mom died when he was 4yo.  She was in the hospital the 2 prior years before her death.

Nowadays, you can leave videos and all types of memories for you to leave behind for your kids to somehow know you.  But one thing that is important is how your spouse will handle the loss - which the children will witness and integrate into their psyche.  There needs to be a healthy grieving process.  In the 70s, psychologists said not to talk about death to children, so dh never knew his mother had died.  A year following my dh's mother's death, he was still asking where she was!  Yes, I know, it's heartbreaking.  I don't think there's closure for anyone to this day.

My dh's father did not confront the loss at all and abandoned the kids. The 2 kids, beginning at ages 4 and 6, were home alone most of the time.  When the kids wanted to see their baby photos in the attic, their father would start crying, so they stopped asking and never talked about the death.  To this day, my dh has not seen most of his baby pics.

The mother's body was cremated so there was no grave to visit.  DH said he wished there were at least a grave.[/quote]

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