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[quote=Anonymous]it may be shame based? ADHD is hard. You mostly feel like a disappointment and if one area is great the others are crap. There is also Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria.  Plus family dynamics, through over explaining, may also have lent itself to your kid always needing to have someone who is to blame because blame was an important part of your discipline tactics or even at school. A lot of discipline and teaching is blame-and-shame-based not problem-solving based. Even trying to teach consequences can manifest as shame for those with RSD. You did this so the result is X. Instead of the problem is X and the solution is Y. 
I like the kicking the dog story above but the biggest thing is to move towards problem solving reactions. Also, learning good habits. So for example, people with ADHD/ADD have to constantly repeat "dont put it down, put it back" because things can be left out/forgotten/lost. For most people, knocking a glass over that was left on the countertop would be like oh silly me. For those with ADD/ADHD, especially when theyve been seen as the "spacey" "clumsy" "forgetful" one for so long it is just an extra shame stamp. It is so much bigger than a broken glass or spilt milk. It is tangible evidence of how stupid you are. Toddlers do that, not adults.

So in that example there are two things to work on:
1. The problem is the glass is on the floor. The solution is to clean it up. 
2. Put it back, not down means glasses go in the sink after they are done. If it still has liquid it gets put against a solid surface or middle of the table.

And YES people with ND brains have to learn both of the above AND #2 is not obvious or natural to them. They have to make #2 a habit and that goes for most daily activities that other people dont think about. Many of us even have to narrate these instructions to ourselves in our head, especially when stressed or tired. [/quote]

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