Reply to DW makes life miserable

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "DW makes life miserable"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]DW just makes things miserable sometimes.  She is often difficult.  Very unappreciative of the fact that I pay 90 percent of the bills while she pursues her passion career.  Gets very upset at me if I don’t agree with her about political issues.  Often seems to provoke fights with our kid because [b]she can be a little inflexible[/b] and gets into power struggles.  Etc etc.

I don’t really want a divorce because I dread the idea of how she would parent our kid without me around.  Also just generally don’t want a divorce.

Still, it feels very difficult at times.  Just not fun at all.

Really just a rant.[/quote]

"A little inflexible??"

Let's say that everything you wrote here is 100% true, that wouldn't make her a "little" inflexible... she sounds like a total control freak.

I'm assuming she's never been to a therapist before, because she thinks she's always right... right?
It definitely seems like she's got undiagnosed anxiety issues, which uncontrollably causes her to try and control every ONE and every THING around her. 
The more anxious she gets, the tighter she grasps to hang on to control, and attempts to exude her (pretend) power. 
She probably believes that her overly controlling nature is a positive trait, when in reality it's far from it.  It's a nightmare. 
When you have a control freak in the house, everyone is miserable, and everyone needs to walk on eggshells around her out of fear.

If your child is getting into power struggles with her now, as a child, the relationship will most likely never improve more than it is today.  As your child gets older, they'll want to assume control over their own life and their own decisions, which will only make your wife try to hold on tighter, which will inevitably push your kids away. 
If that's the way they are now, unless you're wife seeks therapy, there's no way they'll ever be closer than whatever type of relationship they have right now, because your child will fear allowing your wife to get close, just to have her uncontrollably lash out at your child out of nowhere.

Her relationship with your child is hers to ruin... you'll know quickly if she cares enough to get help. 
I would think it would terrify her to consider that she may be estranged from your child as an adult or not be close with your child at all.  She should make whatever changes are necessary right now in order to prevent that from happening (fyi, getting into power struggles with your kid is terrible parenting -- she's the adult and should know better). 
You'll find out what's more important to her... your kid or her control obsession.

I'm not going to sugarcoat this... unless your wife goes to therapy, she will never, ever get any better than she is right now, she will only become leaps and bounds more INTOLERABLE, and you'll inevitably grow increasingly more bitter & resentful of her as the years go on (as you'll correctly perceive that her obsession with control, has now ruined all three of your lives.  
So she'll refuse to do something about it, because if she can't be in control, then nobody can (including you).

If she refuses therapy, you need to leave her, period. 
There's a huge difference between "feeling content and at peace alone" and "being with someone, and totally miserable".
I'll take content and at peace, every single day of the week.

Anxiety is too complex to handle without a trained professional.
If she tells you she doesn't need therapy or she'll work on herself, that's the control talking.
She's terrified of handing off her sense of control, because control has become her very best friend. 
As she gets older though, she'll become so much worse, because she won't have the same sharp faculties that she used to, which will be incredibly frustrating for her, and she'll blame everyone else.

Oh, and that resentment and bitterness that you're already feeling... well, that's terribly corrosive.  
Trust me, you don't want to continue to live this way -- sooner than later you're going to start feeling like you're drowning.

[/quote]

NP here, I think what you say is possible but, Wow, it’s a huge take and a big jump. Your post is longer than OP’s. How would you really know all this stuff.

What if op’s perception is off? What if inflexible is her attempt to instill the 1-2 values she cares about?[/quote]

Exactly. Most of these people just project their own issues onto these threads. They are the ones completely inflexible. It's like he's already made her a character in a story. Maybe start by asking a question if you actually care to help.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics