Reply to How can I explain to good friends who don’t understand SNs why a weekend trip is not possible for my kids

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Reply to "How can I explain to good friends who don’t understand SNs why a weekend trip is not possible for my kids "

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Thank you for the replies. My husband is adamant I not share the diagnosis with friends. He says it’s none of their business, it’s deeply personal information that we cannot control once shared, and he doesn’t want judgement, pity, or any sympathy from people who don’t get it. He also doesn’t want the kids being judged. [/quote]

I've been a parent of a special needs kid who is now 23, so I have been in SN circles for decades. I'm going to generalize, but it is often the male parent who struggles with accepting the diagnosis and recommendations for support and help.  I have certainly heard this from experts in the field and from my own experts who worked with us.

What your husband does not realize is that by saying nothing means that you close down support and understanding, but this is something that he will need to come to in his own time, or in my case, get therapists (like the OT, SpEd teacher, psychologist etc) to say the obvious.  (Is it his embarrassment that he's trying to hide?)

You don't want to lose your friends - you need them and they need you.  Plan events with them without the kids.  Do something outdoors where everyone can run around - like lunch at a playground.  You are not your husband and obviously can have your own opinion.  I think you should tell him what you wrote here:  I don't have too many friends left and I don't want to lose them.  Clearly, we cannot share the same activities now that the kids are older, but by saying nothing, it puts a strain on my last friendships and I don't want to do that.

A suggestion to propose to him, but also to help you while he makes up his mind about how to speak about your kids to others: 
To your friends:  "Remember that last trip we took?  Since then, it's become obvious that both of our kids are special needs.  I don't feel comfortable going into details right now, but an overnight trip to a different place is not going to be possible.  However, I still want us to be friends.  Can we do something together as adults (and if you can swing it).  It would be great if we could just visit a park/playground with the kids and have a picnic.

Best to you, OP.  You have a lot of supporters on this board.

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