Reply to How can I explain to good friends who don’t understand SNs why a weekend trip is not possible for my kids

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[quote=Anonymous]How do you explain to friends who have neurotypical kids why a weekend trip is not possible for your young SN kids without sharing too much? My little kids both have SN (SPD, anxiety, high functioning autism, ADHD) but we are very private about their diagnoses for the most part with friends because the worst of their issues come out at home and generally - but not always - they do ok enough at school and daycare.
But our daily routine is very hard. Traveling is super hard. Both kids stool hold, are extremely picky eaters, have a hard time behaving and staying seated at meals, are poor listeners, have a hard time sleeping, etc. etc. As a result we hardly ever socialize for extended periods of time with other families and hardly ever host events. Socializing is hard for them and they can’t keep it together for extended periods of time so we are doing less and less of it so our friend pool of adult friends is slowly drying up. Even when we do go to events, their behavior can be embarrassing and take up my entire attention so I feel even more isolated than had we just stayed home.

Currently two of my good friends (there are very few now because I have very low bandwidth for friendship) are planning what had become a bit of an annual weekend trip. We stopped during COVID and last year we didn’t participate because we had a
conflict. The time we went before then was pre pandemic and it went so poorly my husband vowed we would never do it again. Against the backdrop of neurotypical kids who eat well, poop normally, follow directions, can put themselves to bed and stay asleep, don’t have tantrums and outbursts, etc. our children’s behavior is embarrassing, and it becomes the focus of my whole weekend and prevents us from enjoying time with our friends and is in stark contrast to their kids. It’s also anxiety producing,

However I don’t know how to explain this to my friends and get out of the event without looking like I am just being antisocial or that I don’t want to participate. Their kids are neurotypical and well behaved and they just don’t get it. I don’t want to share my children’s diagnoses or be on the receiving end of pity or judgement so I don’t know what to say. I’m also generally just starting to wonder if it’s even possible to maintain adult friendships as a mom of two SN kids. As it is I’m neglecting my health, my marriage is suffering, and every day is really difficult. [/quote]

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