Reply to Husband wants to move out of DMV but my job is here

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[quote=Anonymous]My husband grew up in a rural environment and really loves nature, mountains, lakes and outdoor activities.  I enjoy all of those things too, and together, we've planned all of our vacations around nature, good views, and outdoor activities.  For me, this is a great balance--living in a city, but spending all vacations and leisure time in nature.  As we near middle age, my husband now realizes that he wants his every day life, not just his vacations, in a more natural, less urban environment (think rural Vermont or Maine).  His job is totally remote, so moving would have no impact on his career.  My job is in person in DC.  We have one kid in early elementary school.

For me, the main obstacles to moving are:

--I have a senior position at a job that I love in DC. It's not a job that exists in a remote environment. To make this move, I would have to give up my current career and try to find something totally new to do, likely taking a pay cut and giving up the flexibility, autonomy and seniority that I enjoy in my current job. I care deeply about my job and my seniority affords me lots of flexibility (e.g. I work remotely for a month each summer, so we spend that whole month in nature, plus I have plenty of vacation time).

--Our marriage has been a little rocky lately (in part because of this issue) and I worry that I'll move to his preferred location and then we'll divorce and I'll be stuck in a location that is not ideal for me (sort of how he feels now!).

--We have a 2.75% interest rate on our current mortgage.  It feels like a bad time to sell our home.

We have a kid in early elementary school, so I feel like, if we are going to make a change, we should do it sooner,  rather than later.  Moving to a nearby suburb/exburb so that I can keep my job and he can have some nature feels like a unsatisfactory compromise to him; if we're going to live near DC, we both feel like living *in* DC, keeping our low interest rate, and living the urban life makes sense for now.  But he really wants to pick up and start a new life somewhere totally different. I'm struggling because I don't want to crush his dream or end up with him resenting me and on the other hand I really, really don't want to give up my job (or end up resenting him). The decision is on my plate--he's clear that he wants to move, but he understands that I don't want to give up my job and that he may end up spending the next 10-15 years in an environment that he no longer enjoys.  He's significantly sad about that.

What do you do when your life goals (or goals for this phase of life) are suddenly totally different? How would you handle this?  I really don't want to be responsible for trapping a person I love in an environment he hates....but I also really don't want to quit my job! I know therapy is going to be the answer many give, but I'm also just interested in how other couples deal with these types of "there-is-no-good-compromise" life decisions?

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