Reply to bar/bat mitzvah etiquette

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[quote=Anonymous]- Gift -- what is an appropriate gift? If she cannot attend, does she need to send a gift?

Whatever you're comfortable with. I do multiples of 18. If just the kid is invited, I do $54 or $72, depending on how close.

- We are Christian and regularly attend church, so she has plenty of church dresses and some party type dresses. I'm wondering about dresses for these events. What do the kids wear?

Church dresses are good for the service. It's best if the shoulders are covered. 
For the party, I see a lot of homecoming type dresses - often short and tight, or skater style. With nice sneakers.

- Is it appropriate for her to skip the temple/service part of the event and only go to the party, or is that frowned upon? How long is the service? (One invite allows for this possibility; one does not).

It's not ideal to skip the service. I have adult friends who thought a bar mitzvah was just a big over the top bday party. And yes, the party often is, but the service is a LOT of work for the kid and an important milestone. Embrace the teaching moment and support the friend.

- We, the parents, are not invited, which is fine. So I'm assuming my kid will just call me at the end of the night and tell me when to pick her up. Invite says nothing about this...

We put an end time on the invite (it's often 7-11). But you can ask the parents so you can plan ahead.

-What else do we need to know? TIA!

It's (likely) ok for you to attend the service too. That's open to anyone, and it would be great for you to learn what it's all about. No cell phones or electronics during the service. Stand when others stand, sit when they sit. Be respectful and supportive. Ask questions! They know plenty of their guests are new to this and should be happy to answer any questions you might have. [/quote]

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