Reply to Spouse who never takes my side

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[quote=Anonymous]I think having people immediately "play devil's advocate" whenever you try to talk to them about some difficulty you are having is a toxic trait. I think there are lots of reasons people do this, but the overwhelming message is "I don't buy your description of your own life, and also I default to assuming you caused any problem." It's just a really bad impulse in any relationship (parent-child, marriage, friendship, even many work relationships). It shows a lack of trust and will result in less trust in the long run.

If you can't at least BEGIN a conversation with your spouse or other loved one with the assumption that they are accurately describing the situation, then you have serious empathy issues that need to be addressed. It's not tenable.

Sorry you are going through this OP. I have been through it and the only thing that worked was just very clearly pointing out the dynamic and why it was hurtful, and not accepting it. Like if she can't approach conversations with you by giving you the benefit of the doubt at least to begin, then I would not confide in her until she can.[/quote]

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