Reply to Dh has stopped pretending to care and it’s a real bummer

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Reply to "Dh has stopped pretending to care and it’s a real bummer "

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[quote=Anonymous]Oh, OP. I'm so sorry.

I need you to fully, 100 percent understand a few things.

First, you can only control your own actions. Yes, he needs to be aware, but he's not actively participating in your lives. Considering this, you need to decide how to proceed. Professionally, you need to decide how YOU want your life to go. If you want a new job, look at the money and decide what changes are necessary and announce them. Don't ask. Announce.

Second, you need to decide whether the short-term stability of being married to a someone who doesn't hard but doesn't help is better than divorcing and dealing with the fall out from their. I've been a big believer that when it comes to divorce, it's a lot easier for kids to live with parents who are happy with their situations or at the very least at peace with them. That means, if it's divorce, then do it. But if you can be together and just avoid the stress and upheaval of divorce until your kids are adults and they can decide on their own terms what they want from their father without the courts or visitation, it is massively, massively better to defer. Considering the special needs component and your health, it might not be worth going through the stress to get divorced.

Third, is acceptance. You have to look at your life, your DH and accept it for what it is. You can't change people. You CAN change yourself though. So, it's all back to point one.

Fourth, if he is so passive, then he can't kick up a fuss. Change is hard, but you get the decide. If you get fired, what's the plan? Proceed accordingly.[/quote]

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