Reply to Dh has stopped pretending to care and it’s a real bummer

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[quote=Anonymous]Might he be neurodivergent?

It’s possible that he lacks problem-solving skills, recognizes he’s not bringing much to the table but doesn’t know how to do better, and just feels helpless and mute - which presents as irritation or not caring.

He doesn’t know how to fix things, and shuts down (scrolling on his phone mutely while you vent about the job that is bringing nearly the entirety of the household income - that’s irritating as F, but he might not be capable if more).

You need and deserve support. Can you carve out space for yourself to see a therapist, who can help you problem-solve and figure out how you want to proceed in your job and your marriage? Do you have supportive family or friends? Making time for yourself for activities that decrease your stress levels enough that you don’t feel like you’re in the midst of a five-alarm fire, so you can breathe and clarify your thoughts and see things clearly, would definitely be a benefit.

So maybe your husband isn’t going to help you  solve this, but he can take the kids to give you some breathing room and reduce what sounds like an immense stress level. And then go from there.

You may also have to be more directive, since it doesn’t sound like he’s inclined to partner with you. You may just have to make decisions and tell him what is going to happen, and see how he reacts.[/quote]

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