Reply to Too tired to care for my mom, who wants to live onto her mid 90’s…

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Which of course she has no control over how long she lives (now 89) but did you ever feel that people shouldn’t live that long? I don’t want to live that long.

I’m 61, give me +|- 20 years I’m good. My husband and I became parents late in life. We still have 3 teens at home, the two girls are wiping me out emotionally, physically, and sometime financially. I have no energy for my mother living with us, I can barely talk to her. I have no energy, nor desire. I feel so guilty.

Sometimes, I feel resentful she’s here but we can’t afford a nursing home plus I would never feel comfortable putting her in one. I hate looking at her, I want to only remember her a certain way, certain age.

I feel terrible but I don’t think we were meant to live this long. Do you want to live that long? What for?

[/quote

I completely agree, OP. People are living too long these days. Don't feel bad for saying it or thinking it. It's true. It is too much of a burden for many of us, especially those who have to care for them. My dad and my FIL lived to 90 and my MIL is 91 and still going strong. I know many other people such as neighbors and parents of my friends who are 90 or older and still alive. Like you, I had my child late in life and resented having to juggle my child's needs and my elderly dad's needs at the same time. As much as we love our parents, when they pass it is often a relief.

Regarding how long I want to live for, I have noticed that with most of the super elderly I've known, they still have a zest for life and are somewhat in denial about how old they are. (I've concluded it's a protective behavior that makes aging more bearable for humans.) We may look at them and think to ourselves "How much longer can h/she possibly live?" but they don't see it that way. I suspect many of us will feel the same when we get to that age. I've started working on my mental acuity and physical strength now, in my 60s, so I can be as mentally and physically fit as possible in the event I do live to 90 and beyond. Hugs to you, OP. Many of us feel like you.[/quote]

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