Reply to how can mother develop better relationship with DD

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[quote=Anonymous]I recommend going to therapy and discussing this. You may need to unpack some things from (1) your own childhood and relationship with your own mother, and (2) some of how you parented your DD. My guess is that you may have some family dynamics that you are unaware of but that your DD, after spending some time out in the world and around other people, has concluded are unhealthy or don't work so well for her. You may be resistant to that because you haven't had her same experiences, you may not understand how or why these dynamics have become problems for her.

In addition to therapy, I recommend keeping as open a mind as possible. Don't accept abusive behavior from her, but stay open minded to criticism she may have. When she expresses anger about your focus on your career, consider that what she is really saying is that she felt she was not your focus and this hurts her. Instead of looking for ways to justify your choices, try simply acknowledging her feelings and expressing empathy for her if she felt neglected or ignored. You can both be "right" and have valid feelings. Acknowledging the validity of her feelings can be a powerful way of showing her that view her experience and feelings as equal to yours, as opposed to a hierarchy in which your feelings or experiences are always primary. This can go a long way towards creating a mutually respectful adult relationship.

Also, instead of asking her to spend time with you and talking, see if there are things you can do together but don't insist on talking. Cook a meal together. Does she have hobbies she enjoys? Ask if she will teach you something from them or share them with you in some way. You could join her at a baseball game, have her teach you some yoga, accompany her to the farmers market, etc. She is creating a life for herself. Let her invite you into it, instead of always asking her to leaver her life and come into yours.[/quote]

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